Mind Bottling, Isn't It?

Yesterday was my best friend's birthday. Her mom and I planned a cute little surprise for her. We drove for about 2 hours to get to where she lives and we arrived to the biggest smile on her face. She was in her pj's planning on doing nothing for her birthday. I hugged her so tightly breathing in her sweet scent so I couldn't forget what she smelled like. We spent the day together as a family. We went skating and ate the cake her older sister had brought her inside a Mcdonalds. Even though we were at a greasy fast food restaurant and sitting in a crowded booth, I feel that it was perfect. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, and neither would she. Sadly the night had to end because her mom had to wake up early. It was already 11 at night and we had a 2 hour drive to get home. In the moment of giving her big hugs and telling her how much we love her she broke down in tears wishing that we could stay a little longer. It got me thinking about how time flies by so qui...

The other day I was high as fuck with my friend and he asked me "What is the meaning of life" We laughed at how stereotypical we were being (because stoners ask weird questions when high) (I'm not a stoner tho) (Love em tho lol) Anyways. Tonight I was laying in bed asking myself what the meaning of my life was and then I realized the answer.  The meaning of life is up to me and only me . Everyone has a different soul, mind and body. Therefore there is no such thing as the " meaning of life " because each and everyone lives and breaths in a different life. For some mothers the meaning of their life is their children. That kind of meaning is permanent. I've realized the meaning of most people's lives are actually other people . Weird right? I swear that I've wanted to pack my bags and just leave home because I was so stressed out. But I didn't only because I knew my mom and sisters needed me. They kept me here and only them. I now know ...

I think that I've fallen in love so many fucking times that I'm like an expert at getting someone that I want. But then again even if i do get who I want it seems to never work out. Why is it that some of the more "experienced" people end up being the ones that are the loneliest. What has changed in us from when we first started learning to now being an expert? It seems like when we start off with a clean slate we don't have a single clue about love physically and emotionally. It really depends on the situation for most people though. But me personally when I knew less it seemed like the relationship(s) I were in were better but ended worst. More loving more interesting and less arguing hurt and tears. I keep wondering what the hell has changed? Am I secretly the reason why my relationships don't work out? Have I grown bored and out of interest of love all together? It seems like the chase was more fun that the actual catch. I had so much to learn and exp...

I'm so hungry I'd suck a dick for some tacos and spaghetti rn.

So I've been recently searching for a job and it seems like its fucking impossible to find a place that's actually hiring. These questions on the application are sooo stupid. I mean why the hell do they need to know sooo much? And the interviews are the stupidest fucking thing in the world. We all know what we're actually thinking even the interviewer knows what we're actually thinking because they're thinking the same exact thing. Here's a little what we say VS. what we want to say. Question: Why would you like to work here? What we say: I would love to gain experience ect. ect. What we want to say: Bitch I CLEARLY just want to get money. I don't even wanna work at this shitty place I just want money. Question: What is your availability? What we say: All business days from opening time to closing time of course ;) What we want to say: Uhhhh well i'm actually not available at all if you include all of the time that I need for using the internet...

I've always had a problem with letting people that I've had feelings for go. When I feel such a connection with someone I fail to give up on what I feel. I search for that feeling from other people, but always fail to feel it. Sometimes I end up with rebounds knowing that there's no way in hell it's going to last but yet still find myself getting attached. I know so many faces now that I pretend not to when walking past them on the street. Does that make me strong or afraid? I get so confused. Specially when an ex wants me back. Its like do I give into what they and I want? Or do I move onto better and save myself from getting hurt? I have one ex that I broke up with over 20 times. I mean it's ridiculous how many times we broke up and then got back together. Even when we were just friends we'd argue non-stop. but I loved him. I loved him so fucking much it scared me. Every time we broke up I cried my eyes out until my eyes couldn't even produce any more ...

So today I was at Wally World (Walmart) with my mom and it's been a while since we've you know went to a place together. I realized how much I hate being yelled at 24/7 See I'm a person that enjoys fun fun fun fun . I love going to grocery stores and running down the isle with my friends. Drinking soda and chips while walking down the isle pushing my mamis (friends) in the cart. I like to make fun of everything that I do. No boredom will be tolerated around me. What I hate  is when old people like my mom ( who I love ) try to ruin it. I'm young and a little bit dumb and I just want to enjoy my young life while it's still young. I also strongly dislike when boring adults try to use the excuse "People are looking" "What will they think" "You're embarrassing me" LIKE BITCH! I honestly feel like people who have known me for a long time, even if they dislike me should probably have figured out how much I truly do not give a fuck....