Present


Healing is something that I so truly long for. It seems like I use the word at least once a day to remind myself what I am trying to do. I just want to be at that point where it hurts so little that I forgot what I was crying about in the first place. That point where I can look back and chuckle at hard I thought life was just to find out it gets harder. Your problems get bigger and I just had to become stronger. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of losing myself to my pain. I'm afraid of becoming stagnant in the point of my trauma. I don't want what I've been through to define me but it truly molded me in so many ways. So where do I find the balance? When is it that I come to that point in my life where I feel truly content? Like I've battled every battle and every trial. As time goes on i'm slowly but surely realizing that life isn't going to get any easier. Yesterday can no longer be touched and tomorrow is non existent. So I am choosing. I am choosing to live for today, to take that small step I've been waiting to take. To think more positive thoughts and to be more grateful for the things that I can grasp. As badly as I may want to feel completely better I have to realize that I never will and my life is truly what I make it. I can reach and reach or just be patient. I can feel content with what I do have and work hard for more instead of pitying myself. I can have a different outlook, a better outlook. I don't have to let what has happened out of my control control my current actions and present emotions.

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