Lover

Love.
Now love is something that we all want and yearn for but some of us only touch it for a small period of time. But that small window is something that we remember for the rest of our lives. One heart break is all it takes to turn us away from love forever. And I've always wondered why is that? When I felt heart break after a long term relationship there was a huge part of me that felt broken and shattered in so many ways. I had lost myself in that relationship to the point where when I left it I could barely recognize my reflection. I built him up while tearing myself down to dust. I turned my cheek to things that I should've left for. Resentment built for things I promised that I had forgiven him for but never did. I loss my self esteem in lurking on other women pages comparing myself to each picture. I loss my confidence when i began to walk the town and saw eyes staring at the two of us and realizing that I was viewed as a clown. I allowed a man to absorb all of me until nothing was left of myself. I think my biggest fear is getting back to the lowest point in my life. I don't want to ever go back there, but at the same time I have to be secure enough with myself to ensure that I will never happen. I don't want to be crazy in love. I want to be sanely in love, I want to be calm and peacefully in love. I want to trust, I don't want to wonder or go through phones. I don't want to have to compete for love I want to be content. I still want to be an individual instead of 2. I want to still have my sanity and time for myself. I love so deeply but I never want to fall deeply again.

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