Mind Bottling, Isn't It?

Ok so, the fact that my ex is trying to get back with me brings up a lot of mixed feelings. SO I want to share my personal advice on how to get over your ex or someone that you really like and just can't have. We all have that one person that it's impossible to loose feelings for. No matter how far they move on it's like you'll always have a special place for them in your heart. It's almost impossible to get over a person like that, a person that you truly feel is perfect yet horrible for you. It's like they're your soul mate even if they have a girlfriend or boyfriend at the time, it doesn't matter to you because you still want them. That's how it is with my ex, I've tried to get completely over him but it's not like he doesn't cross my mind because he does. Even when I'm with someone else it's like he's sitting in the back of my mind just chilling lol. Even though I think about him a lot and am madly in love with him I k...

Her personality was hard to miss Her face had common features but was different from others Her laugh was faked but confident  The way she talked was sincere, you could never tell if she was joking or not The way she stood was structured but free If you were lucky she'd glance at you for just a second, and when she did you were more than acknowledged  Her smile was inviting, but her voice is what keeps you from not introducing yourself She was the of person that people would hope to become Not in looks but in dept She was the type of person that others could barely keep up with The type of woman that was guided but then the one that guides other She didn't have many friends, and if she did have friends they were only the ones that were on her level You know, the type of women who were always busy and very bold personality wise All of her friends are just as blunt as her, just as set in their ways as her She didn't have any shame She lo...

Yesterday was my best friend's birthday. Her mom and I planned a cute little surprise for her. We drove for about 2 hours to get to where she lives and we arrived to the biggest smile on her face. She was in her pj's planning on doing nothing for her birthday. I hugged her so tightly breathing in her sweet scent so I couldn't forget what she smelled like. We spent the day together as a family. We went skating and ate the cake her older sister had brought her inside a Mcdonalds. Even though we were at a greasy fast food restaurant and sitting in a crowded booth, I feel that it was perfect. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, and neither would she. Sadly the night had to end because her mom had to wake up early. It was already 11 at night and we had a 2 hour drive to get home. In the moment of giving her big hugs and telling her how much we love her she broke down in tears wishing that we could stay a little longer. It got me thinking about how time flies by so qui...

The other day I was high as fuck with my friend and he asked me "What is the meaning of life" We laughed at how stereotypical we were being (because stoners ask weird questions when high) (I'm not a stoner tho) (Love em tho lol) Anyways. Tonight I was laying in bed asking myself what the meaning of my life was and then I realized the answer.  The meaning of life is up to me and only me . Everyone has a different soul, mind and body. Therefore there is no such thing as the " meaning of life " because each and everyone lives and breaths in a different life. For some mothers the meaning of their life is their children. That kind of meaning is permanent. I've realized the meaning of most people's lives are actually other people . Weird right? I swear that I've wanted to pack my bags and just leave home because I was so stressed out. But I didn't only because I knew my mom and sisters needed me. They kept me here and only them. I now know ...

I think that I've fallen in love so many fucking times that I'm like an expert at getting someone that I want. But then again even if i do get who I want it seems to never work out. Why is it that some of the more "experienced" people end up being the ones that are the loneliest. What has changed in us from when we first started learning to now being an expert? It seems like when we start off with a clean slate we don't have a single clue about love physically and emotionally. It really depends on the situation for most people though. But me personally when I knew less it seemed like the relationship(s) I were in were better but ended worst. More loving more interesting and less arguing hurt and tears. I keep wondering what the hell has changed? Am I secretly the reason why my relationships don't work out? Have I grown bored and out of interest of love all together? It seems like the chase was more fun that the actual catch. I had so much to learn and exp...

I'm so hungry I'd suck a dick for some tacos and spaghetti rn.

So I've been recently searching for a job and it seems like its fucking impossible to find a place that's actually hiring. These questions on the application are sooo stupid. I mean why the hell do they need to know sooo much? And the interviews are the stupidest fucking thing in the world. We all know what we're actually thinking even the interviewer knows what we're actually thinking because they're thinking the same exact thing. Here's a little what we say VS. what we want to say. Question: Why would you like to work here? What we say: I would love to gain experience ect. ect. What we want to say: Bitch I CLEARLY just want to get money. I don't even wanna work at this shitty place I just want money. Question: What is your availability? What we say: All business days from opening time to closing time of course ;) What we want to say: Uhhhh well i'm actually not available at all if you include all of the time that I need for using the internet...

I've always had a problem with letting people that I've had feelings for go. When I feel such a connection with someone I fail to give up on what I feel. I search for that feeling from other people, but always fail to feel it. Sometimes I end up with rebounds knowing that there's no way in hell it's going to last but yet still find myself getting attached. I know so many faces now that I pretend not to when walking past them on the street. Does that make me strong or afraid? I get so confused. Specially when an ex wants me back. Its like do I give into what they and I want? Or do I move onto better and save myself from getting hurt? I have one ex that I broke up with over 20 times. I mean it's ridiculous how many times we broke up and then got back together. Even when we were just friends we'd argue non-stop. but I loved him. I loved him so fucking much it scared me. Every time we broke up I cried my eyes out until my eyes couldn't even produce any more ...

So today I was at Wally World (Walmart) with my mom and it's been a while since we've you know went to a place together. I realized how much I hate being yelled at 24/7 See I'm a person that enjoys fun fun fun fun . I love going to grocery stores and running down the isle with my friends. Drinking soda and chips while walking down the isle pushing my mamis (friends) in the cart. I like to make fun of everything that I do. No boredom will be tolerated around me. What I hate  is when old people like my mom ( who I love ) try to ruin it. I'm young and a little bit dumb and I just want to enjoy my young life while it's still young. I also strongly dislike when boring adults try to use the excuse "People are looking" "What will they think" "You're embarrassing me" LIKE BITCH! I honestly feel like people who have known me for a long time, even if they dislike me should probably have figured out how much I truly do not give a fuck....

Enough with the poem shit Ive got all my popular thoughts out for now. My next subject is going to be about having children. Now as a young female I am required by society and dumb ass religion to get married and have children and blah blah blah. I am so sick and tired of peoples shocked facial expression when I say "O I dont want kids" If you grew up with an extemely large amount of siblings like I did then you probably understand where im coming from. Or you could be in complete disgust and completely disagree. I think that growing up with a big family could go either way about having kids. Either you want a lot of kids or none at all. Me personally being the oldest of 5 girls is exhausting and a blessing at the same time. I couldnt ever imagine my life without even one of my sisters even if things would be easier. BUT having siblings is the closest thing to having your own children and trust me if I had the choice to not have 6 kids, Id choose it. Besides...

It's really hard to build a new life Trying to become a better person almost seems impossible Everything that you're trying to change about yourself Seems to be what the people who mean the most only see When you do good But when you do bad there's always an "I told you so" without hesitation Like they're waiting for you to just fuck up If you loved me so much why don't you support me? If you loved me so much why can't you accept me? If you loved me so much why can't I feel what you say you have for me? Instead of criticizing and causing pain Once you decide that there's no way to become that person you want to be with all the negativity around You mentally move away from them While others could never picture you as the person you once were That's all the ones that are dearest to you can see Why can't they accept change? I did.

I miss him so much I miss laughing at his nervously misspoken words and his cheesy jokes I miss him telling me that he loves me I miss watching him eat me out I miss grabbing on his hair while arching my back I miss the way he touched me I miss the way he bought goosebumps to my limbs I miss the way he talked; his hood given accent I miss his never unspoken wisdom I miss every emotion that he gave me; good and bad I miss him so much

Cannons going off on one side gun shots popping off on the other side  My thoughts are like the devil and angel standing on my shoulders  The angel's always yelling at me Calling me stupid and making me regret everything that I do That's why I love the devil so How can something resembling peace and love Possibly be what's causing fear, regret, and shame? I want to be good but yet Even though the horns on my head have a halo hovering them I wish I was just wearing horns

They come in different shapes and sizes just like people  They're exactly like people  Addicting. Painful. Problem causing. Problem solving  I can taste them without water or food to help  A quick pop and I'm set to handle all of the wars going on in my head

In all honesty, I've never really known how to you know write. I know it sounds silly but I always have so many thoughts in my head at once that once I start on one topic; it always leads to another. Which can be frustrating, especially when it comes to trying to maintain a diary or a blog like this. My mind has so much depth that i get lost in it all the time.