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Lover

Love. Now love is something that we all want and yearn for but some of us only touch it for a small period of time. But that small window is something that we remember for the rest of our lives. One heart break is all it takes to turn us away from love forever. And I've always wondered why is that? When I felt heart break after a long term relationship there was a huge part of me that felt broken and shattered in so many ways. I had lost myself in that relationship to the point where when I left it I could barely recognize my reflection. I built him up while tearing myself down to dust. I turned my cheek to things that I should've left for. Resentment built for things I promised that I had forgiven him for but never did. I loss my self esteem in lurking on other women pages comparing myself to each picture. I loss my confidence when i began to walk the town and saw eyes staring at the two of us and realizing that I was viewed as a clown. I allowed a man to absorb all of me unt...
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Present

Healing is something that I so truly long for. It seems like I use the word at least once a day to remind myself what I am trying to do. I just want to be at that point where it hurts so little that I forgot what I was crying about in the first place. That point where I can look back and chuckle at hard I thought life was just to find out it gets harder. Your problems get bigger and I just had to become stronger. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of losing myself to my pain. I'm afraid of becoming stagnant in the point of my trauma. I don't want what I've been through to define me but it truly molded me in so many ways. So where do I find the balance? When is it that I come to that point in my life where I feel truly content? Like I've battled every battle and every trial. As time goes on i'm slowly but surely realizing that life isn't going to get any easier. Yesterday can no longer be touched and tomorrow is non existent. So I am choosing. I am choosing to live ...
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How To: Get Over Your Ex and/or Someone You Love

Ok so, the fact that my ex is trying to get back with me brings up a lot of mixed feelings. SO I want to share my personal advice on how to get over your ex or someone that you really like and just can't have. We all have that one person that it's impossible to loose feelings for. No matter how far they move on it's like you'll always have a special place for them in your heart. It's almost impossible to get over a person like that, a person that you truly feel is perfect yet horrible for you. It's like they're your soul mate even if they have a girlfriend or boyfriend at the time, it doesn't matter to you because you still want them. That's how it is with my ex, I've tried to get completely over him but it's not like he doesn't cross my mind because he does. Even when I'm with someone else it's like he's sitting in the back of my mind just chilling lol. Even though I think about him a lot and am madly in love with him I k...
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She

Her personality was hard to miss Her face had common features but was different from others Her laugh was faked but confident  The way she talked was sincere, you could never tell if she was joking or not The way she stood was structured but free If you were lucky she'd glance at you for just a second, and when she did you were more than acknowledged  Her smile was inviting, but her voice is what keeps you from not introducing yourself She was the of person that people would hope to become Not in looks but in dept She was the type of person that others could barely keep up with The type of woman that was guided but then the one that guides other She didn't have many friends, and if she did have friends they were only the ones that were on her level You know, the type of women who were always busy and very bold personality wise All of her friends are just as blunt as her, just as set in their ways as her She didn't have any shame She lo...
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Tick Tock

Yesterday was my best friend's birthday. Her mom and I planned a cute little surprise for her. We drove for about 2 hours to get to where she lives and we arrived to the biggest smile on her face. She was in her pj's planning on doing nothing for her birthday. I hugged her so tightly breathing in her sweet scent so I couldn't forget what she smelled like. We spent the day together as a family. We went skating and ate the cake her older sister had brought her inside a Mcdonalds. Even though we were at a greasy fast food restaurant and sitting in a crowded booth, I feel that it was perfect. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way, and neither would she. Sadly the night had to end because her mom had to wake up early. It was already 11 at night and we had a 2 hour drive to get home. In the moment of giving her big hugs and telling her how much we love her she broke down in tears wishing that we could stay a little longer. It got me thinking about how time flies by so qui...
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Meanings

The other day I was high as fuck with my friend and he asked me "What is the meaning of life" We laughed at how stereotypical we were being (because stoners ask weird questions when high) (I'm not a stoner tho) (Love em tho lol) Anyways. Tonight I was laying in bed asking myself what the meaning of my life was and then I realized the answer.  The meaning of life is up to me and only me . Everyone has a different soul, mind and body. Therefore there is no such thing as the " meaning of life " because each and everyone lives and breaths in a different life. For some mothers the meaning of their life is their children. That kind of meaning is permanent. I've realized the meaning of most people's lives are actually other people . Weird right? I swear that I've wanted to pack my bags and just leave home because I was so stressed out. But I didn't only because I knew my mom and sisters needed me. They kept me here and only them. I now know ...
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Details

I think that I've fallen in love so many fucking times that I'm like an expert at getting someone that I want. But then again even if i do get who I want it seems to never work out. Why is it that some of the more "experienced" people end up being the ones that are the loneliest. What has changed in us from when we first started learning to now being an expert? It seems like when we start off with a clean slate we don't have a single clue about love physically and emotionally. It really depends on the situation for most people though. But me personally when I knew less it seemed like the relationship(s) I were in were better but ended worst. More loving more interesting and less arguing hurt and tears. I keep wondering what the hell has changed? Am I secretly the reason why my relationships don't work out? Have I grown bored and out of interest of love all together? It seems like the chase was more fun that the actual catch. I had so much to learn and exp...
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