Details

I think that I've fallen in love so many fucking times that I'm like an expert at getting someone that I want. But then again even if i do get who I want it seems to never work out. Why is it that some of the more "experienced" people end up being the ones that are the loneliest. What has changed in us from when we first started learning to now being an expert?

It seems like when we start off with a clean slate we don't have a single clue about love physically and emotionally. It really depends on the situation for most people though. But me personally when I knew less it seemed like the relationship(s) I were in were better but ended worst. More loving more interesting and less arguing hurt and tears. I keep wondering what the hell has changed? Am I secretly the reason why my relationships don't work out? Have I grown bored and out of interest of love all together?

It seems like the chase was more fun that the actual catch. I had so much to learn and experience. Now that I don't the wetness has run dry and I no longer have interest in learning about anyone new. Everyone seems to be the same in my eyes now. I no longer easily get wet to porn and I don't touch myself while sexting.

But over the years I've realized my worth. I speak my mind a lot more which sometimes men seem to not be able to handle. I don't criticize unless someone disrespected me first and I definitely don't let anyone disrespect me. So I wonder weather or not men think I'm an uptight bitch and that's the reason why flirting and sex never becomes something more than just that. Or is my pride and ego out shining theirs?

It seems like when I was younger and loose I got a lot more play. I haven't changed in appearance but I have in personality. Am too troubled for a guy to deal with in a relationship or am I just not meeting their standers for just a one night stand?

Its clear that I want love but am not looking for it. I want it to find me and it seems like the only thing that keeps finding me is crappy dick and no call backs.

Has wanting more made me become less in these guys eyes? Has knowing what I deserve and being through it all made me someone who's too complicated? Has learning made me clueless while on the topic of love?

Am I wrong to be bored of the games and in search of something/someone more?

Comments

  1. Leomar Adlawan TulangSeptember 2, 2015 at 10:10 PM

    "Why is it that some of the more "experienced" people end up being the ones that are the loneliest."

    In my personal opinion, it's because we are giving too much to the person we love the most without getting back what we did for them. But still, we don't brag for it yet we are ready to give more. That's why it hurts.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Popping Babies

Enough with the poem shit Ive got all my popular thoughts out for now. My next subject is going to be about having children. Now as a young female I am required by society and dumb ass religion to get married and have children and blah blah blah. I am so sick and tired of peoples shocked facial expression when I say "O I dont want kids" If you grew up with an extemely large amount of siblings like I did then you probably understand where im coming from. Or you could be in complete disgust and completely disagree. I think that growing up with a big family could go either way about having kids. Either you want a lot of kids or none at all. Me personally being the oldest of 5 girls is exhausting and a blessing at the same time. I couldnt ever imagine my life without even one of my sisters even if things would be easier. BUT having siblings is the closest thing to having your own children and trust me if I had the choice to not have 6 kids, Id choose it. Besides...
Read more

Present

Healing is something that I so truly long for. It seems like I use the word at least once a day to remind myself what I am trying to do. I just want to be at that point where it hurts so little that I forgot what I was crying about in the first place. That point where I can look back and chuckle at hard I thought life was just to find out it gets harder. Your problems get bigger and I just had to become stronger. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of losing myself to my pain. I'm afraid of becoming stagnant in the point of my trauma. I don't want what I've been through to define me but it truly molded me in so many ways. So where do I find the balance? When is it that I come to that point in my life where I feel truly content? Like I've battled every battle and every trial. As time goes on i'm slowly but surely realizing that life isn't going to get any easier. Yesterday can no longer be touched and tomorrow is non existent. So I am choosing. I am choosing to live ...
Read more

She

Her personality was hard to miss Her face had common features but was different from others Her laugh was faked but confident  The way she talked was sincere, you could never tell if she was joking or not The way she stood was structured but free If you were lucky she'd glance at you for just a second, and when she did you were more than acknowledged  Her smile was inviting, but her voice is what keeps you from not introducing yourself She was the of person that people would hope to become Not in looks but in dept She was the type of person that others could barely keep up with The type of woman that was guided but then the one that guides other She didn't have many friends, and if she did have friends they were only the ones that were on her level You know, the type of women who were always busy and very bold personality wise All of her friends are just as blunt as her, just as set in their ways as her She didn't have any shame She lo...
Read more